X-Men #020 The Prof’s Paraplegic Hoedown

Villains dressing up like X-Men…what will they think of next? Stealing candy from children?

The Blob and Unus walk into a bank…stop me if you’ve heard this one.

Ok, time to argue some physics stuff. Now, I understand that comic book physics are a touchy subject and that I should just let this happen and accept them. To a certain extent I let my imagination do most of the driving, but WHY THE HELL DON’T COSTUMES GET DAMAGED!?!

Nowadays, if someone gets into a fight in a comic and an explosion goes off or they gets slashed with a sword, the costumes get damaged and the artists show said damage, but before 1975, apparently all costumes were invulnerable. The Blob can absorb a ton of damage, I get that, that is one of his powers, but his cheaply made X-Men costume rip-off can’t possibly be made out of an invincible material. The cost of making the costume would dwarf whatever money they were trying to rob from the bank.

Oh good lord…and the cops…

” Use your clubs! From what I saw thru the bank window, guns are useless!” – Police Officer

In what world does this logic make sense? Our heavy damage weapons proved useless, lets trying throwing marshmallows at them. Great idea Einstein, your mother must be so proud of you.

So the X-Men figure out who the masked bandits are…and NOW they regret letting Unus go. Had they made a habit of contacting the police several issues ago, this might not be an problem. Plus, since when do you take a villains word for it that they will turn their life around and stop being a prick? Stupid X-Men. So gullible.

Uh oh…looks like it’s time to bring back the “Ridiculously Overused Word Counter”. The new writer is copying the ol’ Stan’s blueprint for crappy writing.

Homo-sapien:  1
Homo-superior:  1

I wish something would happen in this series on purpose. These “accidental encounters” are starting to really chafe my keister. It is highly unlikely that every time something happens in New York, that two opposing forces would happen to meet. Now, if say, Spider-Man happened to stumble onto the scene, at least that would be more plausible, but it seems the X-Men are at the center of everything happening in the Big Apple.

Now for a flashback origin of Professor X. This guy has had a lot of time on his hands, going to college, serving in the military, and wandering the globe? Who has that kind of time? Anyways…blah blah, Chuck walks around and finds a city…blah blah, Chuck infiltrates the villains lair and BAM! Broken legs. So you are telling me that he can mentally see through walls to find circuitry to avoid a trap and he can sense when a goon is about to attack him, but he can’t see far enough in advance to save himself? I mean, the villain very obviously hit a button and he couldn’t get out of the way of a slowly falling block? Lame.

Then Lucifer just walks away. What!?! His victim is lying on the ground, prone…can’t move…giant stone block on top of him. He can’t finish the job right then? Why would he wait to “meet again”? Does he like losing? One stomp to the back of Chuck’s big, bald head and this story would be over. Villains are stupid.

“And now — that name shall be the FINAL thing you hear! Prepare to die–for daring to opose that which no mortal can comprehend!” – Lucifer

Obviously Lucifer INTENDED to kill the Professor, why not finish the job? Also, that was a long statement. If I was standing, what appears to be, about 4 feet away from my assailant and he started in on a long threatening sentence while reaching to push a button…I would just take a step and a half forward and punch the guy in the face. Done. Problem solved. No paralysis of the legs. No going to the bathroom using catheters and colostomy bags. Dumb ass.

Anyway…end of issue. Await the coming of Dominus.

Final Thoughts: I can’t stress enough how much Professor X has used his powers in ways that don’t make sense up to this point and to let him get beaten by this, to quote the Blob, this Rube, is ludicrous. It just really bugs me.

TLDR: Cyclops tries to walk away, Blob and Unus are the terrible Two-some and the Professor should have known the time warp. (It’s just a jump to the left…)

Review on Comicvine